Todd, the Amazing Lawn Boy

Ah, I remember Todd well. I remember him so well that I am not using his real name in this post. But Todd has the distinction of being the sole lawn-care person whose blade-wielding zeal did not destroy some valuable plants or rare herbs. Todd liked my herbs. During his summer break from college he was getting into some natural health stuff. He was getting into colon cleansing, too. In fact, shortly after he worked for me, he sent an email to me, his kindred natural health enthusiast. In it, he excitedly praised the effects of a colon cleansing supplement, informing me very excitedly that “You wouldn’t believe some of the things I have seen in my bowel movements, Elizabeth!”

This indicates two things.

1. Todd looks at his bowel movements.
2. Todd is a bit of a loony.

Regarding number 1, Todd looking at his bowel movements, I find this rather stunning. I never look at my bowel movements. I could pass a live ocelot and remain blissfully ignorant, paging through back issues of ReadyMade. But Todd apparently looks at his bowel movements, inspects them in fact. And then he goes that extra step to inform the lady whose lawn he cut that he is making exciting new discoveries in said bowel movements.

The only other creature in my household who inspects its own bowel movements – and the bowel movements of others – is my dog. Her motivation is the possibility of a tasty tidbit that might have escaped the digestive process, and might like to have another go. For a dog, this is understandable, because dogs are gross.

I have since lost track of good ol’ Todd. Perhaps he has decided to move on, approaching life as a Cleansed Person.

Or maybe he is a bit of a loony.

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